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Remembering Loki

By on September 19, 2014
in News


On September 18th, 2014, my beautiful baby, Loki, lost her struggle with lung cancer, leaving a giant hole in my heart and life. It’s been an awful 11 months as we’ve dealt with treating inflammatory bowel disease, that left her at a frail six pounds, to discovering her lung tumor seven months ago.

It’s been a year where I have spent the majority of my days, at home, worried about her, on high alert for a wheezing fit, making sure she was eating and giving in to every time she wanted to lay on my lap, whether I had work to do or not. A year where I’ve become somewhat of a recluse because I wanted to be with her.

So, while I try to deal with the grief of this loss, I want to take a moment to remember all the things that made her my special little girl.

Loki was a giant fluffball. I jokingly called her Nermal, aka the cutest kitty in the world, from Garfield because she was so beautiful and she knew it. She had a gorgeous coat of hair, sweet face and a fluffy tail that she worked like Beyonce in a wind machine. All you had to do was say her name, and that tail would fly.

I remember once when she lit her tail on fire on a candle (no harm was done, only the outer hairs burned off), I could just tell she was not okay with looking imperfect. And every time the vet would shave her leg or tail to take a blood pressure reading, the same attitude came out.


Loki was attention starved. Not really, but you would never know it by her behavior. She wanted nothing more in life than to be with me and the boyfriend and, if you stopped petting/rubbing her for a second, she let you know with a not-so-gentle head butt or by sitting on something of yours, like a phone, shoe or purse.


Loki was a terrible hunter. Not that she didn’t try. She would chase after every bug, flash of light or hockey lace that crossed her path. Often going up on her hind legs, like a little black bear, to catch it.

And once, when I found a mouse in our old condo, the boyfriend came home to rescue me (yes, I’m a giant baby), only to find Loki and Ren staring at him through the patio door, with the mouse less than a foot behind her. Oh, the noble huntress.


Loki was a feeble fighter. As much as she loved her litter-mate, Ren, when the two of them would start cleaning each other, we knew it was only a matter of time before a fight broke out. And as not-so-bright as her sister is, Ren would kick Loki’s butt, if we let her. She was just too sweet to fight.


Loki was a fan of the great outdoors, but not to run away. One of her favorite things was to roll on warm concrete, on a sunny day. She had no desire to run off and that was proven when she snuck out, unnoticed, as the boyfriend hauled his hockey equipment in the house one night. The next morning, I found her, sitting on the doorstep, looking at us like, “Aren’t you going to let me in?” This also made leaving the house a game as we would have to play defense to keep her inside.


Loki LOVED the smell of sweat (gross, I know!). Unless you’ve lived with a hockey player you can’t imagine how bad their equipment stinks. And since the boyfriend’s goalie gear is mainly leather, it’s not able to be washed. Oh how Loki lived to sleep in or on it. So much so that she hid in the boyfriend’s hockey bag and took a trip to the rink with him one night. Talk about a surprise!


Loki made watching TV near impossible. My friend Brian refers to her as “LOKI GET DOWN” after spending a weekend hearing us yell that over and over as she chased hockey pucks, cars, what have you, across the screen. And the Toyota commercial with the computer mouse at the end? She knew the sound of it and would come running from any room in the house to chase that mouse. Our TV, with its tiny paw scratches, will never be the same.


Loki was the opposite of aloof. Friendly with everyone she met, afraid of nothing, her personality was more dog than cat. She would greet us at the door, flop on her side and roll to expose her belly, waiting for lovin’. And we were happy to oblige.


Loki needed to be elevated. For some reason she always wanted her head raised when sleeping and liked to be on the highest possible surface in any room. The counter, mantle, dresser, etc. She would even sleep between us with her head on a pillow, like a little person.



Loki treated bras like catnip. When I would leave a bra on the floor, she would rest her head in the cup and roll her body in so much joy. It reminded me of how alligators spin to escape a trap.


Most of all, Loki was mine! Even though the boyfriend adopted her and her sister as kittens, before we started dating, she became my cat. Our relationship was contentious as first as we both fought for the boyfriend’s attention but seven years later, like the flip of a switch, she wanted to be with me every second of the day. And it’s been like that for the past 8+ years. Not that she doesn’t love and spend time with him but Ren is more his while Loki was all mine.


You know, I thought writing out all the the special things that made Loki unique and remembering all the funny, quirky things about her would be cathartic but it just makes me angrier that she is gone.

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be thinking all the things we say to friends when they lose pets. “At least she’s not in pain.” “She was lucky to have you.” “You were a great cat mom.” “Be thankful for all the happy, healthy years you had with her.”


And believe me, I appreciate the sentiment behind those statements and, in my head, I totally get it. But in my heart, there is just ache and bitterness that this beautiful little soul had to leave us. I hope my heart will catch up with my head, and I know eventually it will. But, for now, I just can’t fathom a time when that is possible.

Thank you listening and letting me get this out. She deserved even more than this but I want as many people as possible to know how special she was and all that she meant to me.

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There Are 164 Brilliant Comments

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  1. Faith J. says:

    What a beautiful cat with an amazing personality! I loved reading all about her. Truly one of a kind. You did everything you could for her…I had a diabetic cat I gave insulin shots to daily for 7 years. Also another cat who had hyperthyroidism. I did everything I could for them and still think of them fondly. So sorry to hear of Loki’s passing.

  2. Ell says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  3. Danielle says:

    So sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing, loved reading about her!

  4. Julie says:

    What a beautiful girl! I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are no words that can take the pain away and make this better, just know you have friends thinking of you and wishing you peace.

  5. Amanda says:

    Aw, loves and hugs to you, Michelle. That is just about the saddest thing. Our pup does the same thing as your kitty did when sleeping in bed with us, except we gave her a pillow of her own since she tends to be a pillow and blanket hog to the nth degree. Thanks for sharing her with us!!

  6. Kettlebelle7 says:

    /big long hug and a good double-person-cry

  7. femketje says:

    i’m so sorry you lost your baby kitty :(

  8. Heather says:

    Awww, I had no idea! I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read that she took a trip to the hockey rink – ha! Pets are such a joy – I’m sorry you had to lose her. This was a great way to honor/remember her. *hugs*

  9. Gemma says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. She was a beautiful girl and she sounds lovely; you’ve written such nice things. She must have felt very happy and secure with you. They are such a part of the family; it’s so hard when they go.

  10. Liz R says:

    Oh how those little fur balls can steal our hearts. Although I am sitting here with tears in my eyes I do appreciate that you shared your beautiful Loki.

  11. Rachel says:

    I am so very sorry. I lost one of my beloved kitty boys just the day before and the sadness/anger is still very fresh for me as well. Right now the hole just seems so gaping. Thanks for sharing some Loki moments with us. She sounds like a real character, and the candle bit gave me a giggle. Moo once singed off all the whiskers on one side of his face because he was trying to eat an orange scented votive. I didn’t know why he’d stuck his face in it until a couple days later when I found it out of the holder and covered in teeth marks- he’d gone back to finish what he’d started! Now those are the memories I want to hold on to. Damn this sucks but we will get through. One kitty-loving moment at a time. *tons of hugs*

  12. AngieSue says:

    I’m so very sorry that Loki had to leave you…it’s not easy, it’s dang hard. My very best to you.

  13. Amy says:

    *cat lady hugs* from me & my IBD kitty, Chloe

  14. Emily says:

    Michelle, my heart is so sad for you. My cat is my number one best buddy and the thought of losing her just crushes me (though I know I’ll have to face it one day). So very sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing Loki with us. She’s a gorgeous girl with such a sweet, funny personality, and it’s clear she was so very loved.

  15. Robin says:

    Loki sounds like an awesome kitty companion! I am so sorry for your loss.

  16. Sonja says:

    I’m all too familiar with your pain. People with pets know how truly precious the bond between a pet and a human can be. They’re family, pure and simple. Losing a family member hurts, whether they have two legs or four.

    My thoughts are with you as your healing process begins. It sounds like she was a great cat with a wonderful life. I think she’s lucky to have ended up with you!

    Now I’m crying in public…

  17. Eszter says:

    I’m really sorry for your loss. Regrettably, I totally know this feeling, because a couple of years ago my previous dog died in my arms. He lost the battle to cancer too. Even though I have had another dog since then, I can’t and won’t forget my old dog and how much I loved him. Wishing you strength and peace!

  18. Jennifer says:

    Sorry for your loss, Michelle. They take a little piece of your heart with them.

  19. Kate says:

    I got teary from your beautiful tribute to Loki. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing pets hurts so, so badly no matter what anyone says. It will ease with time but pets are so amazing they never leave us comletely, both the joy of their company or the pain of their departure. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  20. Lola says:

    My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful cat. I wish you peace.

  21. Nichole says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing comfort for you.

  22. Lisa N. says:

    So sorry for your loss.

  23. Ruchita says:

    What a beautiful kitty! Black cats are so gorgeous. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing pictures stories about Loki. I enjoyed reading about her sweet personality.

  24. spicedchristea says:

    So, so, sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I can relate, I lost a pet suddenly 4 months ago, and still feel this huge overwhelming sense of loss. It’ll take a long time, and it will get easier. She was such a beautiful girl, and her personality shines through in your photos!! It’s so apparent how much you loved her.

  25. Sapna Augustine says:

    Thank you for sharing your memories of your beautiful Loki

  26. TamTam says:

    So sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing your memories and pictures of your beautiful baby with us.

  27. alexandarie says:

    What a gorgeous, wonderful girl. I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs* Sending good vibes your way. Remember that only you know how you need to mourn.

  28. TropicalChrome says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss – it’s always so hard when they go. And it just takes time to work through all the sadness.

  29. This is so sad, I can totally understand how you’re feeling. Loki sounded like a great cat and I hope time makes things easier quickly and you are left with nothing but happy memories soon.

  30. Melissa says:

    She was so beautiful! My heart is breaking for you. Take care of yourself!
    I’ve got to go hug my three cats now.

  31. Rebekah says:

    So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a very special kitty. The hockey bag story is hilarious!

  32. Aleta says:

    What a special little girl, so lucky for both of you to have had each other. I’m really sorry for your loss, and I hope that eventually you’ll be able to find peace in all the departed-pet sentiments—it’s clear from this post that there was a lot of love and happiness, and though sweet Loki’s life was short, I’m sure it was filled to the brim.

  33. Amanda says:

    Thank you for sharing Loki with us. Her personality shines through the photos you’ve lovingly posted. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you tons of hugs and warm thoughts during this difficult time.

  34. Sandy says:

    Loki would have loved every word of your tribute to her! I am so sorry for your loss and am tearing typing this. I love cats and when mine of 14 years died a long time ago, I felt the same way and only a few weeks ago, I had a dream about her and wanted her back with me. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us and I share your sorrow.

  35. Stacey says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing – it sounds like she had a wonderful life!

  36. Sandra says:

    She looks just like my resident black fluffball Furbie, and the behaviours are spot on too. I’m really sorry to hear of your pain. She was very lucky to be loved so much.

  37. mary brenner says:

    I’m sorry for the loss of your baby. I’m a dog person but will admit that cats are pretty cool ……Every time I’ve had to say goodbye to one of my dogs it’s a wonder they haven’t had to lock me in a rubber room afterward. Your tribute is beautiful and your kitty is gorgeous. You will keep her in your heart forever

  38. Annette says:

    So sorry for your loss. I lost both my cat and my dog to cancer this summer. I know exactly how you feel. While my cat was old, my dog was only 6 and I feel the same anger and bitterness. She sounds like such a sweet and beautiful cat. You were lucky to have each other.

  39. Carolina says:

    Thank you so much for sharing her with us. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  40. fatima says:

    So sorry about the loss of Loki. (i love her name. In my language, Urdu, loki means squash)
    She’s so pretty! Sounds like she had a great demeanor and was lucky to have you as a cat mom. Hopefully time will ease the ache that you feel.

  41. Elaine Greene says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. Loki was a very special girl :)

  42. Amanda Rowe says:

    Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. I started crying while reading this post because Loki sounds JUST like my kitties! All are horribly spoiled, attention-starved, and dogs-in-cat clothing. They love their bellies rubbed and greet us at the door everyday, and they are all terrible hunters. They will just stare at a bug on the floor and follow it around. Thanks, guys. Don’t go out of your way to take care of that or anything. I can only imagine how you must feel right now. Cats are such special animals and really just find a way to work themselves into our hearts. I know I sound like a crazy cat lady right now, but a relationship with a cat is one that is totally unique. Please accept my condolences. You sound like an amazing cat mama.

  43. Cathleen says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss.

  44. Karyn Kirke says:

    So very sorry for your loss.

  45. Stephanie says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl :( *gentle healing hugs* she will always be with you in heart and spirit.

  46. Holly says:

    Much love and sympathy to you. I totally comprehend your anger at her loss and sudden absence in your life.

  47. Helena says:

    I’m so sorry your family is now a member smaller. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  48. Amy F says:

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful Loki with us. Sending condolences for your loss.

  49. JoElla says:

    I am so very sorry. I wish I could tell you some secret on how to get over this, or how to lessen the pain. Sadly the only advice I can give is, time. That 4 letter word we all hate, but it really does take time.
    Make sure to be kind to yourself, and to each other right now, and also to Ren. And please know, I am thinking of you, and sending you hugs and comforting thoughts.

  50. muriel says:

    Thank you for sharing your love and pain with us. Anyone who has lost a beloved pet knows on a logical level all of the traditional sentiments of comfort, but that does nothing to soften the blow. We all know how the story ends but we keep opening our hearts and homes to little fuzzies! Hold Ren close and I will give my kitten an extra snuggle for you and yours.

  51. Jennifer says:

    What a beautiful tribute to your gorgeous Loki. Hugs to u at such a sad time.

  52. Viktoria says:

    Oh Michelle. I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a huge loss this year, too, and I really understand your feeling of anger. It is just so unfair.
    Sending you lots of hugs.

  53. Marketeerwife says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful and sweet girl! I have no doubt that there is an immense hole in your heart. It will get better, but I know that your pain must be great. She will be with you always!

  54. Butterdaisy says:

    I’m definitely a cat person also. So sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful gray & white Manx Shivers when she was 16 years old, after raising her from a kitten. She too was supposed to be someone else’s (my brother’s), but we adopted each other from the start.

  55. MissDoll says:

    It sounds like she was really a special girl, thank you for sharing and of course for the beautiful pictures. I also had to go through some big losses of my little furry friends and it’s hard but with time it does get better. For me it helped to get a new cat a month or so latter, I found comfort and creating new great memories made me let it go easier

  56. bichonpawz says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you…thank you for sharing all those wonderful things about your special Loki.

  57. Maria Cuesta says:

    Oh Michele, my heart breaks for you. It is so tough to see our beloved pets go, especially if they have been ill for a long time. I too hope your heart catches up with your head soon but for now, when you are hurting, I wish you all the best and remember all her funny, brilliant and heart-warming moments.

  58. Natalie McKenzie says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

    I’ve had my cat for 17 years and we’ve been battling his small cell lymphoma for just over the past year. He means everything for me and, though I know our time left together is limited, I’m really doing what I can to make sure he’s comfortable for as long as possible. I take a lot of pride in the care I give him.

    There are days when I think I could handle his death, but then there are far more days when the idea of losing him still grips and twists in in the gut.

    I don’t want to say that I know how you feel because, obviously, I don’t. I just want you to know that your story — your grief — it strikes close to home for me and I wish you the best. Loki sounds like a wonderful, sweet cat. I’m so happy you were able to love her and care for her. I’m also so sorry you had to lose her.

    Take care of yourself and may you find some peace.

  59. Rachel Beall says:

    AWE im so sorry for your loss sweetheart. Such a wonderful sorry thanks for sharing.

  60. Phlegmfatale says:

    Thank you for sharing this lovely remembrance of you splendid Loki. May you be comforted as you grieve her.

  61. Jen Dearing says:

    I’m am so terribly sorry for your loss. I absolutely loved the tribute you shared which left me laughing and in tears. Thank you for sharing.

  62. Hanneri says:

    So sorry for your loss. This post is a great tribute to Loki which makes the loss so much harder

  63. I love the post, Michelle. Loki was a fantastic kitty and it’s beautiful to read this post about her. Please let me know if you need anything <3 <3

  64. Kate says:

    I’m so sorry you lost your precious girl! She sounds like an amazing, funny cat!

  65. Urby says:

    I recently lost a furry friend, too. I ultimately decided to have him put down because, at close to 18, he had several conditions and no viable treatment options (he HATED pills and car rides). He did not appear to be in any pain at the time, but it came down to his quality of life, which I knew was only going to deteriorate from that point forward because there was nothing I could do that would make him better. My heart goes out to you.

  66. Ellie Cook says:

    I’m so sorry. I have lost so many dogs and my heart breaks every time. She was so lucky to have such a caring and devoted Mom. I would have cherished every moment with her just as you did. We are all different but I have found great comfort in the needs of a new pet. They never replace that spot in my heart but they fill another pocket I didn’t even know was empty. MY last 3, and current 3 are all “street children” and I will continue to take in strays or adopt from rescue groups or shelters. You will know when you’re ready. Until then, know many of us are shedding a tear for you and truly do know what you’re going through as we send out deepest sympathies.

  67. What a funny, endearing little girl! Thanks for sharing your story, and it is completely okay for you to grieve as long as you need. Losing our friends is so very hard.

  68. Darla says:

    That was a beautiful tribute to your baby girl! You can tell she was very much loved!

  69. Julie Farin says:

    What a gorgeous cat! I am so sorry for your loss. Loki sounded very special indeed.

  70. K says:

    Everything you said, I felt like I was reading about my own cat. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, and I am so sorry for your loss of this beautiful girl.

  71. Dani says:

    I am sorry to hear for your loss. What a sweet kitty that I am sure received a lot of love and snuggles

  72. Rachel D says:

    Loki sounds like she was a truly amazing and special kitty, and it’s no wonder she knew just how gorgeous she was! I loved reading your wonderful stories about her. So sorry for the loss of your sweet girl.

  73. Joan says:

    Hi: I know exactly how you feel. I am a member of Yorkie Club of America and had an essay about one of my yorkies, Benji published which is also such a beautiful tribute to him. He was the absolute love of my life, a show obedience dog, titled, photographed for calendars, flags, collector’s plates, purses, wallets, a model on tv for clothes and jewelry. We were so bonded that it was a part of me that went with him at the age of 15. I am joining you with my heartache that refuses to leave.

  74. Kathy says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. When I had to put down my Samantha when she had cancer, she has never left me yet. Even it has been 3 years ago. She was 17 years old. I look at my other cat and I remember how Samantha used to do that.

  75. Lori says:

    What a beautiful cat your Loki was! I’m so so sorry for your loss and although your story made me bawl like a baby, thank God for all the joy he brought into your life. I have a wonderful cat in my life I can’t imagine not having around. I pray your pain will subside and surely great pet parents like yourselves are some of the most special people in the world. God bless!

  76. Ana Paula says:

    Thank you for sharing! She was a beautiful baby with great personality, and a true friend. I loved the story of her sneaking to a hockey practice.

    You are more then allowed to be angry that she’s gone. Have your time of grief, be angry, cry your tears. You will always remember all those good times together, but for now there’s no way you can’t feel angry.

    I loved to read this, thanks again for sharing!

  77. Leah says:

    I’m sitting here sobbing over your loss. My Munchie who crossed the rainbow bridge looked just like your precious angel. She will wait for you. Again I’m so very sorry. Sending you hugs and much love.

  78. Kate says:

    Awe, my eyes are filled with tears, what a beautiful way to commemorate lovely Loki <3 I am so sorry for your loss and wish you lots of love and support.

  79. Dee says:

    So very sorry to hear this! Our pets are our family, and it’s difficult when they leave us.

  80. Maria says:

    She was beautiful. I truly am so sorry for your loss. I know your pain only time will help. I lost my cat 7 years ago I had her for 22 years and she was my only cat because I really wasn’t allowed to have her but they ended up making an exception being I was not going to let her go. She was strictly an indoor cat and my family. The only thing that truly helps is time.

  81. Lisa Foster says:

    What a beautiful tribute to your beloved cat! Thanks for sharing, and please know that many of us understand what a painful experience it is to lose a pet, and we will be thinking of you.

  82. Lesley says:

    My sincere sympathies. She was a beauty!

  83. Theresa says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Loki.

  84. Beth says:

    That is a beautiful tribute for a beautiful cat. I feel your pain and loss. There is a great book for helping you get thru this called, “Goodbye, friend” by Gary Kowalski. It helped me. You have wonderful memories of Loki, cherish them

  85. Rach Tsui says:

    So terribly sorry about the loss of your girl. I know it really does suck…I lost my cat I had since childhood, she lived to be 22. My logical brain knew she couldn’t live forever, but the crazy part of my brain always thought “what if she is special, and will live as long as me???” Needless to say, she didn’t live forever :( It took me a long time to get over it, and I can still get pretty emotional when I talk about her…Reading your description of Loki reminds me of my departed kitty, same type of awesome kitty personality. Being humans, we are lucky to have the ability to love, which means we also grieve. All I can say is I understand the loss of a special kitty, and I am very sorry about Loki. xoxoxox Rachel

  86. Annette says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss and know exactly what you went through and are going through right now.

    My cat (also black) was sick for over a year with what my vet believes was pancreatic cancer. I worried and stayed stressed out the entire time; he passed away on the last Saturday of May (I had to finally put him down), weighing in the 4 lb range or less. He’d stayed in the 5 lb range for months, but was happy and active – his biggest weight loss came the week of his passing.

    It took me six weeks to stop crying every Saturday and to actually laugh on that day. I would walk around the house wailing; it was the most horrible feeling in the world and it felt like it would never end. I think the year of his sickness drew me closer to him – I’d spend as much time as I could holding him, playing with him, etc. There were awful periods when I had to force feed him for days at a time. But through it I grew stronger and did things I never thought I could do – such as force feed.

    It’s been over three months, but the past week has been pretty sad for me; I miss him so much. The one thing that I don’t miss is the stress. The night he died was the best sleep I’d had in over a year and I felt guilty for it, but I needed it as my health was deteriorating from caring for him/stressing over him.

    I hope that you’re able to recover quickly and will be praying for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, please feel free to email me.

  87. Mary says:

    Long time reader, but this is my first time commenting. I am so very sorry for your loss. I loved reading this post about your Loki, and my heart just broke for you. We had to say goodbye to my best friend, my cat of 17.5 years, back in march and it was he hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I’m not going to feed you any of that “it gets easier” shit, because truthfully, it’s been over 6 months and I still think about her every day, look for her when I go upstairs, and I’m still bitter that our newborn son didn’t get to meet her. I find some peace knowing that we gave her the best life ever, and that she was the happiest cat because of it. I am so sorry for your loss.

  88. Gina says:

    Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty. I lost a cat seven years ago, and it was devastating. My husband and I had two cats, and he was “mine,” just like your Loki was yours. Nothing anyone said to me at the time helped – I was just so sad and it took me months to get over it. But whenever I see heartfelt posts like these about pet losses, I truly do believe that the pet was lucky to have such a caring owner. There are too many terrible pet owners and pets without homes, and it makes me feel hopeful for humanity when I see someone like you. So I hope some of those phrases will be a comfort to you after all the pain and bitterness are a bit less raw. I’ll be thinking of you.

  89. Gina says:

    Michelle, my heart goes out to you at the loss of your precious Loki. I lost my sweet Kitty McNugget four years ago, also a black fur baby, and the pain was indescribable. There are no words for the sense of loss and emptiness that you feel coming home and not seeing your furry friend waiting for you at the door. I still miss him everyday, and his ashes hold a special place in my living room on top of the bookcase, his favorite place to hang out and be king of all he surveyed.

    Much love to you, your boyfriend, and little Ren as you mourn the loss of such a special friend. I enjoyed reading about the cats on your blog, even more than reading about nails! I also understand the anger you’re feeling at the loss now that you’ve taken the time to write this entry, but I think anger is an important step in the grief process. We should be angry that sweet animals like Loki and McNugget are allowed to suffer illnesses when they have done nothing but bring joy and love to the humans that have been lucky to have them in their lives. Please know that you have many people who are keeping your family in our thoughts during this difficult time. I also realize that you may not be ready for a long time, but when and if you ever are, please consider giving a shelter cat a wonderful home in Loki’s honor. I found that one of the best ways to help me cope with my grief was adopting my little Jitterbug. I know McNugget is looking down on us and is happy that another down-on-her-luck kitty has found a loving home with me, just like he had when I adopted him.

    Much love and comfort,
    Gina (from Willoughby, and another CP alum and nail fanatic)

  90. ReaderRita says:

    Thank you for helping us to know her better. I’m so sorry that she’s gone- she sounds like she was a giant furry ball of personality! What a fun gal to have in your life. It sucks when we out live our furry children.
    I’ve lost two pets in the past 10 years; I’m still not over either of those deaths. I never will be. But as corny as it sounds, they do live in my heart. I can almost feel their little furry touches sometimes.
    We wrote about each of them, with everything we could remember- much like you did here- and that helped. Still read those essays now and then; I laugh and cry…
    Big hugs to you.

  91. Jammies says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, and I empathize with your anger.

  92. Christine says:

    She looks like she was a sweet and lovely cat. I share your pain having lost a few beautiful spirits over the years. My prayers are with you in your loss.

  93. Karolyn says:

    What a beautiful cat! I am terribly sorry for your loss.

  94. Medusa says:

    Dear Michelle, Thank you for sharing Loki with us. I am so sorry she is gone. I lost my pet bird, Budgie, almost 7 years ago now & I still think of him & miss him every day. I know what it is like to lose a precious pet. I am hoping beyond hope that when we die we can be united with our creatures.

  95. Jacky says:

    I am so very sorry about Loki. It sounds like she was one in a milion with an adorable personality. I know your heart has to be broken. :(

  96. Lisa says:

    Thank you for such a beautiful story about Loki. It brought me to tears. I know you do and will miss her terribly. As time goes by, I hope your pain eases. I’m glad you had 8 wonderful years with her.

  97. Rebecca says:

    What a gorgeous kitty! They really do hold a special part of our heart. Grieve how you need to, there is no right way to feel.

  98. Chelsea says:

    Cats are so special, I’m sorry for your loss. That was a really beautiful post; my mom wrote up something like that for our childhood cat and it was so emotional to read it. Now, my own pets are very, very special to me and feel so much of what you are going through.

  99. Mellinail says:

    I am very sorry for your loss. My dear Loki, also a beautiful fluffy female kitty, left us early this year. Every cat is special in our hearts, and I will miss her always. Your pain will lessen over time to become wistful rememberance. May she rest in peace.

  100. Tricia says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your memories of your beautiful girl.

  101. Joe says:

    Michelle, I can empathize with your situation and the grief you are feeling. Loki was a wonderful friend and companion for you and I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the wonderful memories.

  102. Rebecca B says:

    What a pretty kitty! So hard to spend a year worrying and trying to keep her from suffering. We spent the last year trying to find something for pain for our dog. Thank heavens we didn’t have to worry about breathing too. My daughter brought her stuffed puppy for her daddy to snuggle with every night. We told them the story of the Rainbow Bridge at the entrance to heaven to make it easier for them. Wish it could have done as much for us as it did for them. I am so so sorry:(

  103. Shannon says:

    So sorry for your loss.

  104. chantal says:

    Sorry for the loss of your fur kid
    it hurts when they leave us as they are with us for such a short time. @-}– x from all of us fur parents.

  105. Rose J. says:

    Michelle, I am deeply sorry for your loss. And like all pet parents, you signed an unthinkable agreement when Loki became yours. You agreed to have your heart broken. A parent’s worst nightmare is that their child will die before they do. (I’m a therapist at an in-patient rehab so I see this regularly.) As pet parents we agreed to love our fur babies to the depth of our souls. You did that and that’s why the second agreement of the broken heart hurts so much. We can understand it logically when we adopt as kittens or puppies. They’re adorable and have their whole lives ahead of them! Take care of yourself. Take care of Ren because she lost her littermate. Take care of your boyfriend. Sending you hugs from me & my 3 feline beasts.

  106. Carly says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Loki sounds like she was an incredible cat.

  107. Irene Power says:

    Pets are more than “just pets”. They are your family. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been 3 years since I lost my fella and I still think about him each and every day, wishing him back.

  108. Lam says:

    So sorry for your loss.

  109. Eileen says:

    She is beautiful. So very sorry for your loss.

  110. Helaine Weidner says:

    She is beautiful! I know how painful it can be losing a beloved pet. I pray that you find peace for Loki is now pain free with many friends at the Rainbow Bridge.

  111. DEBBIE BELL says:

    Awww So sorry for your loss hon…Hugs.Deb xox

  112. Paula says:

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this….I know how much you’re hurting and that there’s not a thing in the world I can say to ease your heart…. Loki was your baby. I don’t know how it’s possible NOT to hurt, you know?

    It is said by some that “time heals all wounds.” Well…..bull. This kind of wound never really heals. And there’s no time frame for the grief we feel. The only positive thing I can tell you, is that in time, you will, indeed, be able to think of your baby without the anger or the tears. It takes time, though, and you need to let yourself cry as long as you need to.

    When a furbaby leaves us, they take the piece of our heart that we gave them the moment we first bonded. That’s why when they leave us, we feel so incomplete. It changes us forever. The furbaby guards that piece of our heart, so that he/she can restore it to us when we meet again. And then we become whole once more.

    XO – Paula

  113. CeCe says:

    I am so very sorry Michelle. Our Furbabies are part of our lives and they are family. My heart aches for you. :’(

  114. Jen says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I loved reading about her and she sounded like a bundle of joy, not to mention gorgeous! Take as much time as you need for your heart to catch up to your head as you grieve. :(

  115. Kim A. says:

    I am so sorry about your kitty. I lost a kitty a few months ago and she was just as precious. I understand how you feel…I still get sad about animals I lost years ago.

  116. Stephanie says:

    What a beautiful girl. You were lucky to have each other. She’ll be in your heart forever. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  117. Susan M. says:

    Michelle, thank you so much for telling us about beautiful Miss Loki. I am very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you, your boyfriend, and Miss Ren.

  118. Milene says:

    So beautiful to see so much love and how much you cared for her.

  119. Cathy says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  120. janna says:

    I’m so sorry for you loss. People who don’t have pets don’t always understand how much a part of our lives they are. And sometimes, you have one that’s even a little more special. Loki sounds like she was very, very special.

  121. Teresa says:

    I totally get it. I lost my 4 lb. chihuahua of 13 yrs. and nothing will ever be the same. I know the pain will dull but I will miss him forever! Our hearts will premantely have a piece missing. My heart goes out to you.

  122. What a beautiful tribute to a very special kitty.

  123. Jade says:

    What an awesome looking cat! Her little face is so expressive and the way her ears are all perked in the last picture is just too cute. Only we can know exactly how special our little furry friends really are but thank you for giving us a glimpse of her awesomeness! It’s really, really hard to cope with the loss of a dear friend but, because of your beautiful memorial to her, her memory can live on. I know that this is a long poem but, I thought you should read it if you haven’t yet:

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

  124. Kat Tait says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. i”m “Mom” to 3 black cats of my own. They are beautiful little souls.She is waiting for you at the rainbow bridge.

  125. Hannah says:

    I am always partial to black cats and your Loki was a real beauty. What a wonderful friend your kitty was. I am so sorry for your loss.

  126. Grace says:

    My friends and I all share your intense attachment to your pets and any of us would understand the profound grief of this loss. Oddly, I had a Loki who set his fluffy tail on fire (he is the spit and image of your Loki, but with little vampire fangs). Having lost one of my own in January, I was reminded how hard it is to lose any of our furry friends. This was a beautiful memorial.

  127. Tornadogirl says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss! The loss of a fur-baby is SO very difficult, I lost my little girl, Sambuca at the age of six and it still hurts like heck. Loki sounded liked quite the little diva! You were both blessed to have each other! Many hugs to you!!!

  128. Samantha says:

    Thank you for sharing. So sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love.

  129. Pam says:

    What a gorgeous cat! She was obviously your heart-cat so it’s no wonder you miss her so. You described her so lovingly with beautiful photos. A very impressive tribute. Thank you for sharing Loki with us.

  130. Hanna says:

    Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, you were blessed to have enjoyed her company and cute cat quirks for so long, but let’s be real: life will never be the same. She brought something to your life that nobody else will ever replace, so right now you are where you need to be in your grieving. My beautiful dog Lula sends you doggy kisses from London and we both hope they can be of some comfort to you.

  131. Emily says:

    I know what you are going through, Michelle. I lost my beautiful orange tabby, Sandy in 2005. At that time I felt that a piece of my heart died with him. I still can’t listen to any song that reminds me of him. He helped me through difficult periods and was always there for me. He was the perfect cat–funny, sweet and caring. Take as much time as you need to grieve. It’s a healing process. I still miss my kitty very much but that intense grief I felt when he died is not there any more.

  132. Cindy says:

    I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Loki. Thank-you for sharing her story with us. Sending you big supportive hugs.

  133. Becca says:

    What a beautiful girl. I also lost a kitty to lung cancer. It’s so hard to lose a cat and see them in so much pain. They are each so special and mean so much to those they love. Thank you for sharing the ways she was special and how much she meant to you.

  134. Marina says:

    Loki was a gorgeous cat! She seemed quite pleased (justifiably so) with her lovely plumed tail. Her personality totally shows in the pics. Your grief is so clearly profound, tears are rolling down my face. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for the impending loss of my Gigi. Diabetic, stomatitis, soon-to-be 15 years old. Lots of daily meds forced on her and still she loves and trusts us completely. Totally humbling. Gigi likes to sleep between our pillows too like your Loki, with her head resting on mine and our noses almost touching. They bring so much love into our lives that when we lose them there is such a gaping hole in our hearts. I wish I had the words to offer you some peace and relief from the grief but no such words exist. Hopefully your memories of her will help with that, eventually.

  135. Morgan says:

    There is something so deeply painful about losing a pet. I’m only 18 and I’ve actually never lost a pet I’m close yet. I’m only familiar with the pain because I DREAD the day that I lose my dogs. I have 2 pugs, a dawn pug who is 11, a black pug who is 9. They’re my world. When friends or loved ones in my life abandon me, I still have my dogs. I’ve had them since I was a kid. They make everything better. I can only imagine the sadness you’re feeling right now. I like to think God will have our dear pets for us in heaven. I’ll say a prayer for you that this pain doesn’t last long.

  136. Morgan says:

    Wow… Of course I didn’t see my typos until I posted my comment, lol. *close to
    *fawn pug

  137. jeanne says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. There is nothing quite like the loss of a pet. Sending many hugs.

  138. Heather says:

    I am sorry for your loss. She’s a pretty cat and had a great life with you.

  139. K8theCurst says:

    So sorry to read this, Michelle. There are no words when you lose a pet. Love to you. <3

  140. Negle Lir says:

    Ohh Loki sounds a lovely cat. The way you describe her just shows how much you love her!! I have 2 cats, but still I can only imagine the pain and hell you are going through …
    Allow yourself to greef and be angry. Its okay!! EVERYONE would feel the same way if they where in your shoes! So dont be hard on yourself thinking that you need to let it go, move on, deal with it etc. Because only time will make things easier!! So use this time to greef and remembering that special Loki cat <3 Dont fight it, allow it, accept it. And time will help you and ease your pain. I think … RIP Loki, and sending you all love from denmark :-)

  141. S says:

    So sorry for your loss. <3 She was absolutely beautiful.

  142. Keri says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my older boy cat earlier this year. He was 15 and had also been diagnosed with a type of cancer so I was aware it was coming but it did not make me any less angry I lost out on the years I thought I was going to have with him, especially since he was my first “baby”. I think that is always the hardest part of losing someone. Take care of yourself.

  143. Kim Kiernan says:

    RIP beautiful Loki. I’m so sorry Michelle for what you’ve been through. This was an absolutely beautiful tribute to an incredibly special furrend. I too have been through Inflammatory Bowel Disease and cancer with all 3 of my cats in 1 year. I know how gut-wrenching the whole ordeal is. My thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you.

  144. Arrianne says:

    I know exactly where you’re at mama. I remember when I lost my Penelope at 5…it seems like just yesterday and I still can’t believe I’ll never see her sweet-and-bitchy-at-the-same-time face again.

  145. Emily says:

    Hi Michelle. I just wanted to comment because we lost our 18yr old cat on Sept 16th. So very close to yours.. so I know you are hurting and struggling. Losing a furr baby is like losing a child! I have 2 boys and had 5 boy cats..and when we lost our oldest Kitty it hurt like hell..and still does! Like a part of you is missing..your life feels awkward! It is strange not having to help a sick cat all the time. Almost like “what now?” But there is a relief knowing they are no longer sick..they aren’t struggling anymore. So I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in your feelings! I think time will help, but it is okay to grieve. I still think I hear or see our cat…I still catch myself looking for him. It is hard. But Loki..she was very, very beautiful! She loved you and she knew you loved her. Just know you took such good care of her, you did all you could to give her the best possible life and she knew it.. and that is what counts. I am sorry..many hugs to you!

  146. Tina says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss! She’s a beautiful baby, and I completely understand that pain all too well. I know your life was just as touched by her, as hers was by you.

  147. Alison says:

    This is a lovely tribute- I feel like a got to know Loki a little bit. I’m sorry that you and your family have lost her. She sounds like a wonderful girl, with a great personality. I hope you are coping ok. I understand your anger…I lost my dog three years ago, when he was nearly 12 (also of lung cancer). Even though he was quite old for a larger dog, I couldn’t help but feel like he was cheated. He loved life so much and was in all other ways healthy. The grief such flattened me, and I imagine that it’s the same for you. Wishing you, your boyfriend and Ren all the best as you recover.

  148. Heidi says:

    Aw, she’s so beautiful. She reminds me of our cat Byron. We lost him back in January to cancer. I still miss him. I’m happy to have other cats, but they don’t really replace the one you lose. Even if you say they’re out of their pain or something similar, it still hurts to have lost something you love.

  149. Colleen says:

    I’m sorry I’m just now seeing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. She sure was lucky to have you and you her. There’s no way around the fact it just sucks when you lose a fur-baby. Sending you internet ((HUGS))!

  150. Lena says:

    what a cool cat. i laughed out loud on the part of her chasing the mouse on tv. pets are such darlings. i’ve had several heartbroken episodes whenever a darling dog dies (their lifespan is shorter than a cat’s), so i completely understand your heartbreak. RIP Loki.

  151. Susan M. says:

    Michelle, I am so sorry about your loss of Loki. I missed this post back in September and am just now reading it. What a beautiful girl she was! I hope her sister, Ren, is doing OK. Thank you for loving Loki and taking care of her.