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Ellen’s Ode to Nail Polish

By on October 14, 2009
in Celebrity

A friend of mine was home sick yesterday and she tipped me off to Ellen’s monologue about nail polish (Thanks Heather!). I’ve long been a fan of Ellen. I even had the chance to see her stand up routine during her last tour before her talk show launched. She’s such a genius and even though I swear like a sailor, I respect the fact that she can make me howl without even a hint of filth.

Now I would never call Ellen a girly girl, I think Portia picks up the slack for her in that department, so I was surprised to hear her talk about getting a manicure. But leave it to Ellen to pick up on the fact that OPI nail polishes have some cheeky and unusual names. Hence, her nail polish poem.

Roses are Pretty and Privileged,
Violets are Escape to Bahama,
Blue is Got A Date To-Knight,
Perfect for my Mama.
The grass is uncommitted,
The sun is Goldilocks Rocks!
My toes are Clubbing Til Sunrise,
Though I go to bed at 8 o’clock.
The moon is All Lacquered Up,
The stars are Tickle My France-y,
Now that you’ve learned all these colors,
It’s time for me to dance-y.

Check out the full monologue below.

I actually own or have owned all those shades at one point though Escape to Bahama and Uncommitted threw me for a loop. Anyone know those polishes? I thought maybe Escape to Bahama was meant to be China Glaze Bahamian Escape?

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There Are 8 Brilliant Comments

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  1. Beauty Bitch says:

    I PROMISE I'm not trying to be smutty but it's considered very imporatant for gay women to have manicured fingernails. Neat, groomed and with no hangnails or rough straggly edges. I'm just sayin'…..

    I love Ellen and I also love OPI's shade names so this video has gone straight into my favourites list! I love it when nail polish addict culture goes mainstream!

  2. Faye says:

    Cool! I love Ellen. Wouldn't it have been great if that "All Lacquered Up" was a shout-out to you, Michele? :)

    BB, I admit I'm very naive, but why would it be smutty to say that gay women like having manicured fingernails?

  3. Beauty Bitch says:

    (@Faye: it's because of the very intimate way in which those fingers could be used. I once earwigged on one of my friends' conversations when they explained to me in great detail why a good smooth manicure is essential. )

  4. Andi says:

    How cool is that? Fun!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Isn't that an OPI bottle she calls Dry Martini? That is a MAC color, right? There isn't an OPI called Dry Martini?

  6. Panderbear says:

    I have such a love-hate relationship with OPI names. On one hand, they mean my blog will never run out of fodder, but on the other hand, they make me want to pour nail polish into my eyes so I never have to read another one…I guess it more or less cancels out.

  7. Faye says:

    @BB. Oh dear (blushes). I will never be able to look at a manicure quite the same way again :).

  8. Beauty Blogger says:

    Half the fun of seeing the new colors is finding out what they're called!! Nubar has a delicious new collection coming out…